Spot The Person Who Won’t Be Moving Back In With Mom And Dad

Question for my readers, some of whom haven’t lost their hearing to everything from a HK pistol to a Marshall Bluesbreaker: Did one of the snowflakes actually yell “Go back to Beijing!” at the end? I can’t make out what they’re saying.

Regardless, this fellow is the hero we need right now. Isn’t that the American Dream: work hard, study, and succeed? And here’s the final takeaway: When the “library guy” is a multi-millionaire success in his chosen profession, how receptive do you think he will be to “social justice” concerns, no matter how legitimate those concerns might be? They say that vaccines work, and I think that this video shows someone being successfully inoculated against left-wing viewpoints, whether that is for better or for worse.

“I’ll Keep My Word And My Seat”

John Mayer’s four-song EP is out now. One of the songs is brilliant, two are forgettable, and one is a mashup of other great songs, consciously and ironically performed. I think this is the brilliant one. If you can’t think of at least one woman when you hear this song, you’re dead inside. Lyrics after the jump.

A great big bang and dinosaurs
Fiery rain and meteors
It all ends unfortunately
But you’re gonna live forever in me, I guarantee
Just wait and see

Parts of me were made by you
And planets keep their distance too
The moon’s got a grip on the sea
And you’re gonna live forever in me, I guarantee
It’s your destiny

Life is full of sweet mistakes
And love’s an honest one to make
Time leaves no fruit on the tree
But you’re gonna live forever in me, I guarantee
It’s just meant to be

And when the pastor asks the pews
For reasons he can’t marry you
I’ll keep my word and my seat
But you’re gonna live forever in me, I guarantee
Just wait and see

What If You Held A Women’s March And Only Certain Women Were Allowed To Come?

“Bigger than Trump’s inauguration.” “The largest political demonstration since the Vietnam War.” The media hivemind has declared the “Women’s March” an unequivocal success — but what did it accomplish? And if it was truly a march by, for, and about women, then why were numerous women’s organizations prevented from participating? And, most importantly of all, who wrote the checks?

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Weekly Roundup: Back In The High Life Again Edition

Last weekend, I pushed myself just a bit too hard at Camp Woodward. Until Friday morning, I couldn’t put any kind of stress on my back without having the strong urge to vomit. The problem for me is that getting on a BMX bike immediately puts me back into a mindset where I don’t worry about how much something hurts, which is great when you’re a 15-year-old training for a race but absolutely murderous for somebody triple that age who has to go to work on Monday.

Yesterday I managed to bunnyhop 18 inches on my new Haro FST. Then I promptly shucked the bike out from under me on the next hop, landing on my back at no more than ten miles per hour but it still hurt. Today, John and I went to a kind of low-budget local skatepark where he actually got both wheels off the ground on a halfpipe. (Not above the coping; he just turned the bike a bit below the coping.) I’m so stoked for him. And yeah, I rode a bit too. It was easier than last weekend. There are only two things I can do in this world: remember the lyrics of the Seventies and overcome pain.

Speaking of pain, let’s see what we cranked out while I was curled up into a little keyboard-clutching ball last week.

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Review: 2016 Chrysler 200

“The minute I got into this car,” Danger Girl said, “my knees started hurting.” She didn’t have to explain why; thanks to sexual dimorphism, my 5’9″ wife and my 6’2″ self are both possessed of thirty-two-inch inseams, so we sit in a car the same way. And my knees were bent and splayed like I was trying to do an X-up on a BMX bike. The ridiculously short thigh bolsters in the Chrysler 200 might as well not exist. You’re fundamentally sitting on the floor, the way you would in a compact car. No surprise there, because the Chrysler 200 is a lengthened version of the compact Dodge Dart.

At an MSRP of $22,115, the LX (base) variant of the 200 competes heads-up against the Sonata I reviewed yesterday. But it’s not really that simple. To begin with, incentives on the Chrysler are omnipresent and remarkably strong; it’s entirely possible to get these cars for eighteen grand or even less. At that price point, the 200 isn’t competing with the Sonata; it’s competing with the Accent.

As we’ll see in a moment, the now-canceled barely-a-midsizer Chrysler has plenty of compelling virtues. It’s just that most of them aren’t present in this particular version of the car.

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This Fleeting Prestige

Tell me you didn’t see this coming: The hellish partnership between Bentley and Breitling, in which two brands (that were already over-producing their core items to an increasingly indifferent audience) combined to flood the market with ridiculously-priced watches that didn’t do a good job of serving either brand’s mission, has finally found its natural level at JomaDeals.

I betcha they can’t even move the watches at 70% off retail. Four grand would get you an Omega Speedmaster or a Rolex Datejust, either of which will be worth far more than this tonneau-cased monstrosity when you go to sell it. It’s an odd thing that’s happening out there in mass-market-luxury land: there’s more money than ever, printed by the trillions and just given away to the doubleplusgood members of our financial/political junta, but that rising tide isn’t lifting all the boats. Instead, you get a sort of herd/flock situation where every single junior guy on Wall Street wants an LV Submariner or a Milgauss or a Panny or whatever the watch of the moment is.

The only way Breitling is going to move these watches is to do what they should have done in the first place: given them away to everybody who buys a Continental or Flying Spur, raising the price of the car three or four grand to cover the cost of making them. But here’s the good news: with prices of the early W12 Bentleys also falling into the 70% off zone, now’s the time to be a big baller on a budget, 2007 style. You can get the car and the watch for $45k out the door. And will anybody know the difference?

Review: 2017 Hyundai Sonata SE

Do not attempt to adjust your television set. This is not a test. This is, instead, the first of what I hope will be many car reviews written by your humble author for this website. Most of them will be rental reviews, used-car reviews, and other oddballs.

This past weekend I rented a 2017 Sonata SE with just under 2500 miles on the clock and drove it from Powell, Ohio to Woodward, Pennsylvania, where my son and I spent the weekend riding at two of Camp Woodward’s indoor skateparks. It was a one-way trip; the back window shattered while we were in Woodward and we exchanged the car for a Chrysler 200, which I’ll also be reviewing here this week. I’ll be comparing both of these cars to the Honda Accord, which I feel to be the gold standard in the segment at the moment.

Alright, let’s put the record on the turntable and start it spinning…

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(Last) Weekly Roundup: I’m The Type Of Guy To Say My Lower Back Is Killin’ Me

Somehow I survived our trip to Woodward. Even got the (not so) old Haro FST off the ground in various places around the park. Pulled a few X-ups over the small box ramps, that sort of thing. John did great as well — he was very brave about the various obstacles and he actually jumped off the top of the 12 foot resi ramp, sliding all the way to halfway up the other side.

The only injury either of us sustained: I fell on some ice outdoors and cracked my head pretty hard, after the parks were closed. Makes sense; I’ve never left Woodward uninjured. And my back hurts so much I can’t stand or walk without pain. It was too bad to sleep after the first day but I wasn’t gonna not ride just because of that. So now it’s much worse. So what.

Click the jump to see what Bark and I wrote last week, hurting nothing but a few feelings along the way.

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Housekeeping: In Which The Other Cheek Is Turned

Earlier today, I wrote a post about how a little bit of effort is required in order to succeed. The example I used in this post was a Google document, written by the wife of an auto journalist and promoted by that journalist on Twitter, containing all the ways in which she would be resisting Trump.

Over the course of the afternoon, I had a conversation with the autowriter involved in which he disavowed the document and stated that his wife had not created any of the content in said document. I added a disclaimer to the beginning of the article. Since then, I’ve spoken to a couple of people, including Bark, about whether the article should stay up regardless of whether the person involved actually wrote that document. I also had a second discussion with the autowriter in which he said “do whatever you want”.

After some consideration, I’ve decided to take the article down. If you care about the reasons, and you’re willing to put up with a little bit of expressed frustration on my part, feel free to click the jump.

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Housekeeping: If You’re Buying Anything Music-Or-Audio-Related

I got a call today from my pal Matt Emick at Sweetwater. Apparently one of you magnificent bastards bought a set of Westone UM2s from him and mentioned this site. Many, many thanks for this. I’ve been working with Matt for eight years now; he’s sold me everything from guitar strings to a Gibson R9 Collector’s Choice and a PRS Private Stock. In all of that time he’s never failed to answer a question, find a particular item, or cut me a brilliant deal on something that I absolutely, positively did not need!

Contact Matt here. Full disclosure: I don’t get anything from Matt or from Sweetwater if you deal with him. I just think that you will benefit from the interaction. The primary thing you can do to make my life better, other than reading and commenting on here, is to join Massdrop and buy something with this link. Every so often, Massdrop sends me fun stuff like titanium sporks thanks to your patronage.